So today, right, for the first time ever, in a moment of not thinking clearly about the ramifications, I posted a link on my Facebook that made me feel better about the way I parent, and holy crunchy mama, people lost their ever loving minds.
Let's be blunt here. The crunchy mamas are very vocal. And those of us who aren't so earthy tend to, well, not be, because we are afraid of being pummelled to death with steel cut oats. To be brutally honest, I find a lot (but certainly not all) of what is written by them to be sanctimonious and harsh. Their way is the right way, and to hell with anyone else who has come to different conclusions to them, because they obviously don't love their kids as much as they do.
Of course, that's not wholly true, and I'm sure 8 times out of 10 they don't mean it to come across that way. But the perception of it, when put up against the way that I parent (I immunise, feed on demand so long as it wasn't half an hour ago, I birth in a hospital, I let babies cry it out, I don't care if the kid drinks formula so long as it eats and grows, and the only time we co-sleep is when we wake up in the morning and discover someone snuck in during the night) it certainly comes across as looking down one's nose.
What happened today on my Facebook was that in complete reverse. And yes, to the crunchy set, it was sanctimonious and harsh. But it was the writer's opinion, and while it made sweeping generalities, it was so interesting to see the attachment parents completely forget they do the same thing. Suddenly, it was not ok to find fault or disagree with the way someone else does things, or imply (heavily or otherwise) that the "detachment parent" obviously doesn't like their kid. I've seen fb statuses from both camps bemoaning how tired they are because the baby won't sleep, or nearly tearing their hair out because the two year old HAD. to. be. held. ALL. DAY. LONG, and it's a freaking long running parental joke about the many ways a child can sleep in the big bed that puts the parents in horizontal yoga poses. It doesn't matter if they are AP or DP or whatever... you empathise, because parenting is freaking hard, and at some point, all parent's will wonder what the hell they've gotten themselves into. Everyone wants to do a good job at it, and just because this time the writer is a parent who doesn't AP, it doesn't make their opinions any less valid. A person's opinion, is just that: their opinion. You don't have to agree with it.
When my friends who practise attachment parenting post links, I tend to either not read them depending on which paragraph they chose to c&p, or, if I do, I usually decline to comment because hey, let's be real; my opinions, regardless of how well I researched, are not going to sway your opinions which I'm absolutely sure are just as researched. The way you parent is completely and totally 100% up to you. And the same goes for me, and to be frank, I really don't see the point in me telling you how I think you're doing it wrong. I am no perfect parent, what right do I have?
Listen; my AP friends have fantastic kids. My "DP" friends have fantastic kids. You know what? Why the hell do we even have to have labels on our parenting? Why can't it just be oh, I dunno... parenting?? And while we're at it, how 'bout we all agree that unless we see the kids obviously suffering from neglect or abuse, we keep our damn noses out of each others business, and quit trying to make the other "side" (seriously?!) see 'reason' and change their ways.
I now have the lyric "we're all in this together" stuck in my head. So true. It takes a village, and all that, y'know? All types. If we can just learn to suggest, when the situation arrises, rather than tell and browbeat, I think everything would be a lot more harmonious.